he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
