i think my tv is drunk
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
