It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
