people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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