Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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