WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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