Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
