he shaved USA in his pubs
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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