i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
