So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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