you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
