Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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