She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
