I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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