Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
