Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
