Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
