I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize