FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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