Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
