so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
