her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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