Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
