Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think I sprained my soul last night
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize