I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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