No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
