woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm way too hungover for life right now
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
