if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
