She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
