I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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