we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I think I won the penis lottery.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
