i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
