oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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