The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
