you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
