Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
