i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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