Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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