we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
