I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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