I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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