Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
