You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
