You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
