There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
