so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
