i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
