You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
