Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
