dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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