We're facebook friends in real life
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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