My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
