Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
