I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
