i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
