I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
