Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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