i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
