my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just pee around me
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
