Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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