she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize