I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
