Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Randomize