Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
