I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Is Oprah even human
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
