i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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