Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
