I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
