I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
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