That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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