I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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