guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
