Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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