Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
